Timeless

Times of transition induce nostalgia fits; found the videos to "Voices that care" and "That's what friends are for", songs that defined our graduations and goodbyes...

To friends away, or to be so,







Over-sentimental? With these, always...

Quintessentially summer

And so with the ending of our attachments, with goodbyes to those leaving, the scholars decided to celebrate with a BBQ... mmm... undercooked meat with carbonized exteriors, a bomb of food poisoning AND cancer in the same package....

Starting the fire...


And what more apt than burning sugar on a stick?

Smiling is uncool...

We did better with the alcohol this time, managed to finish a bottle of Sheridan and a bottle of cognac between the 30 of us... and people started singing oldies like "Take me home, country road"...how few of us (including me) actually knew the lyrics ; man we're getting old...


Posed picture became a candid moment when camerawoman Huili exhorted us to be so, and tripped on the drain while taking the shot...

Farewell all, and good luck for the next half a decade..

Almost a year.

I've started saying goodbye.

A week left in the lab; I'm due to give a labtalk on Friday, summarizing everything I've done in the past one year. Imagine, the first entry in my labbook, 2nd Aug 2005.

I've also had my scholarship award ceremony last Friday, typical affair with certificates, photographs, minister handshakes and reception. My dad and brother came down for it:






The men of the Tan family.







Oh and my brother and I managed to ride at the back of a truck when meeting my dad's friends; every boy's dream...but every mum's nightmare. She'd kill us if she found out, haha.




Have seen some friends for the last time, maybe till I next come back a year later.

Ending work on the 31st of July. I'll be in Singapore till Aug 7th; if you're free do call me up! Staying in Malaysia till Aug 26th, and then back to Singapore for 2 days before flying off in the 28th.

It's not really really hit me yet; maybe sometime when I start packing for the states.

Milestone on the road of life

It's been a journey.

I've touched the top, and grazed the bottom. And the bottom has taught me something more, and I pray I'll never forget the resolve I found there; to fight against its bonds and the drive to one day rise above all this.

Today, somewhere in Singapore, a dream was reborn.

Equilibrium

Sometimes I think I'm more numb to emotions than most people are.

I've been asked if I've ever been angry, cos some people have never seen me so. It's something I learned when I was 13 or 14 I think. Once I was extremely angry at a friend, but instead of lashing out as usual, a thought managed to penetrate: I always regretted the action the next day, and always wished that I could take whatever I said and did back. So why not take the here and now as a pseudo-2nd-chance given to my future self, and rectify the situation?

And I found that my rage melts away after a day, and I was inevitably grateful that I didn't say the things that I might have. And so I've learned to always contain my anger, and never act on the impulses that come with it; to not trust my judgement until I've calmed down and can manage to analyse the situation with a calmer mind, and in the meantime force myself to be at least cordial with the person.

I usually believe that things will work out in the end; the protagonist of a story is more often than not triumphant in at the end of the book, and we are all the leads of our own stages aren't we? But I wonder if it's not the bubble surrounding everyone who's not faced true adversity, that buffers me from the pain of tragedy and giving up hope.

And I wonder because at rare times, I have plunged deeper into the valleys of despair, and it amazes me how sharp and alien it feels; the last time during my final year exams in Cambridge, when I truly thought that I had screwed them up, and along with them the dream of going abroad for a Ph.D.

One reason I love scenic places is that when travelling down the Norwegian fjords, or taking in the Atlantic Ocean while standing on a cliff in Wales, the sheer majesty of nature manages to wash away the pretences of society and force you to deal with the fact that you are a small person in a big world, with wonders far beyond your comprehension (it's easy to understand how a mountain forms, but when the 5cm picture turns into a one kilometre high mound of rock, the images in your mind seem pitifully inadequate) .

It's a disjointed entry...triggered when I wondered if people see me the same way I perceive them, that the landscape of emotions some friends seem to go through dip lower and rise higher more often...And also by the fact that I'm standing at a crossroads, dealing with difficult admin issues which may prove to divert my life one way or the other, running through the gamut of emotions...And emotions then show that you're alive, making you feel more solid than a two-dimensional character on a two-dimensional piece of paper...

Two more months...and I might be off and away...